Reframing Work-Life “BALANCE”.
A new lens to peer through. Try it!
I don’t think it’s about balance, I think it’s about harmony.
Why do work and life have to be on opposite sides to create a utopian state of balance?
I have always thought of my work and and life as holding hands. They are connected. And with that connection, there are times when one hand squeezes the other…hard! And other times where one hand is limp…needing the support of the other. And other times when both are comfortable just in a companionable grasp. Holding hands seems like an easier goal than balancing two great weights (work - life)!
My work is my life and my life is my work. They are blended and include my family, my friends, my animals, my responsibilities, my job and my wellness. I don’t know how to be only Becky the Mom, or Becky the wife/sister/aunt, or Becky the friend or Becky the horsewoman or Becky the entrepreneur? You see I’m all of these, all day every day!
All these moving parts are intertwined, not separate. I like that. I think about how to keep them connected, keep them functioning together and how one sometimes MUST support the other and how sometimes I need to change the grip if one is squeezing too hard.
You see, I’m a harmony seeker. We are all complex, interesting, individuals that need connection and that applies to our relationships with other beings and the relationship we have with ourselves. All the parts don’t need to be in complete balance to be harmonious, they just need to stay connected and compatible with each other.
I hear lots of commentary and advice on setting boundaries, saying no or putting yourself first. I agree with the need for all of those things at certain times of our lives. But what I won’t agree on is that something must give for something else. Or that I have to work so hard to achieve one of those things that the output of effort leaves me drained to do anything else.
Of course, I see all of this through the lens of great dialogue. I talk to myself (internal, self talk) with the same care and attention that I give to other people. Great dialogue includes skilled listening, expressing empathy, asking great questions, an we can use all of those skills with ourselves and we need to. We need to listen, to empathize, to pause, to ask great questions and reset and alter our non-verbals. These are dialogue skills that require attention, practice and development.
There’s no balancing act needed. Just acceptance, appreciation for self and others and a deep recognition that we are complex, interesting beings that need connection and compassion.
Be a harmony seeker too! Hold the parts of your life together as if you are holding the hand of your greatest friend, greatest ally, greatest love or your greatest joy. To me, work and life include all of these and my aim is for harmony not balance.
Becky
